A recent episode of The Ramsey Show had hosts Rachel Cruze and George Kamel tackling a tough financial and relational dilemma. A caller, Jeremy from Ottawa, Canada, reached out for advice after taking a drastic pay cut and moving his family 3,000 miles to be closer to his partner's family. His income dropped from over $150,000 to under $50,000, leaving him struggling to cover bills and support his children.
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Jeremy asked, "I wanna know if it makes me a deadbeat father if I move back to my old job."
Despite his good intentions to move closer to his family, Jeremy made it clear that they are struggling financially. He also expressed that his partner has further reduced her hours at her job, lowering their income even further.
As Kamel and Cruze questioned Jeremy about his situation, it became clear that he and his partner approach finances very differently and separately. Jeremy handles major expenses like the mortgage and one of their cars, while his partner manages other costs independently from him. They don't combine their finances or share details about monthly expenses.
Cruze stated, "It's sounding more like a relationship issue, Jeremy. It sounds like you guys aren't generally doing well as a couple." She noted that money concerns may be a symptom of their struggles, but a bigger problem within their relationship is not being addressed.
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Kamel suggested that Jeremy might need a "come to Jesus" conversation with his partner to address their financial and relationship strains. He stated that they need to lay it all out, clarify that they are not doing well financially and come together to discuss a plan to move forward.
"That's what it's going to take," Kamel said. "And that's when we lay out the finances together, get on a budget together and figure out what the hole is and how we're getting out of it. And that might mean you need to find a higher paying job, she needs to work more hours, we need to combine bank accounts."
Cruze reiterated these points, encouraging Jeremy to sit down with his partner to determine their minimum income to cover bills and how they can best achieve that. Cruze and Kamel both stressed that if Jeremy wants to make his relationship work, he and his partner must come together to solve their financial struggles - ideally with him staying close rather than moving 3,000 miles away from his family.
On the topic of their relationship, Cruze said that Jeremy will have to make some difficult decisions and that his partner may not be the best for him long term if she can't recognize that she shares in this financial responsibility. "You both have to come to that understanding," she stated. "She is so in the clouds in that and she may not be a great partner long term."
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Jeremy and his partner aren't alone in their struggle to communicate about finances. Recent data from Fidelity shows that around half of couples don't make financial decisions jointly and two in five couples are not aligned on how often they discuss finances.
Fidelity also reports that couples who communicate well about their finances are more likely to rate their household's financial health as excellent or very good.
While the Ramsey Show hosts offer financial advice, they have clarified that finances can struggle when the relationship struggles and vice versa. Consider talking to a financial advisor if you and your partner struggle to align on big financial decisions. They can help you understand the current state of your finances and offer advice tailored to your unique circumstances.
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